LOST?

I've been lost in Rome, lost in New York, and lost in my thoughts, but I have never been lost in a corn maze. I'm sure there are more details to this event which warranted Today show coverage, and to be fair I will do a bit more research, but I have completed a few mazes of maize and they are designed with completion in mind. Wrong turns yes, but 911 assistance, not part of the plan. This is a Saturday Night Live sketch waiting to happen; a young family hopelessly wandering among the stalks, forced to survive on raw kernels until help arrives. I see Andy Sandberg as the Dad and Kristen Wiig as the Mom.

Details researched, ABC news confirmed that this event took place in Danvers, Mass and not surprisingly the family has declined to be identified. Thankfully, emergency response teams found the family in distress in 9 minutes and no one suffered any injuries, except for the Scarecrow who was punched repeatedly by the father after he “brainlessly” kept offering incorrect directions. Miraculously, they were only 25 feet from the exit, but the family wisely decided not to venture from their "safe" location in search of help. Really, I can be directionally challenged, but even without a GPS I think I could find my way out of this one, even without the "clearly designated trail." I'm hoping that this family can find their way to a state without corn or mazes and hopefully they will never tell their children the truth about the frightening ordeal in the labyrinth of potentially deadly stalks.

It is scary to be lost, can’t say I haven't had a few sweaty-palmed trips in the car, even with the mechanical navigator. I think even with the GPS you have to have some sense of where you are headed, or the chosen road may lead you to dangerous territory. As far as I know there are options to avoid traffic or highways, but my unit is missing the one that keeps me away from neighborhoods that I shouldn't travel through alone at night. Maybe there should be a setting that says "Probably not a good choice" or "Wouldn't get out of your car to ask for help here." I like using the GPS even when I know exactly where I'm going just to see if I can beat the projected time of arrival or if I am in a particularly playful mood I will choose an alternate itinerary just to irritate my female co-pilot and make her tell me to make a U-turn over and over again. Occasionally, I will get punished in return when I encounter unexpected traffic and watch my arrival time click forward minute by minute in a silent gesture of "I told you so, should have taken my route." All is well that ends well, and reaching the final destination is infinitely sweeter with the verbal confirmation of "you have arrived."

Even worse than being lost on your own, is losing someone else. Only once in my 22+ years as a parent have I ever experienced the heart stopping panic when you can't find your child. I think David was around 6, we were at a beach with family somewhere on Long Island. Somehow he wandered out of sight, and for however many minutes passed until I found him, I don't remember breathing. We were in a semi-private "beach club" area, but every kid looked the same; I didn't even know which direction to look, let alone contemplate the ocean in front of me. An army of parents scrambled to their feet screaming his name, each one equally aware that this could be their kid. When he was finally back in my arms I wasn't sure I would ever let him go and I'm not sure he wanted me to either. Even now, so many years later, my heart races even thinking about it; and I say a silent Thank You to whoever is listening.

I've been personally or professionally lost on multiple occasions, most frustrating because directions don't exist. I suppose I've found my way using much the same tools I use when I'm in my car. If I can't find my way, or don't know which road to take, I stop, re-group, and evaluate my options. Sometimes I ask for help, sometimes I rely on technology, and more often than not it's a process of trial and error. Just like the corn maze, if one way doesn't get me where I need to go, I turn around and try another. It takes a lot longer this way, but I’m pretty proud of myself when I find the right course. Can’t offer directions to others who strays off course either; without knowing exactly where they are, you can't help them find the right road. As a parent, this is a hard one, you want to take your children by the hand and show them the way, but it almost never gets them to the place they wanted or needed to go. Much like sitting in the passenger seat when Jeffrey is driving; sometimes I just have to let him get lost and wait patiently until he asks me for help. I am not always successful, with Jeffrey or my children.

I get lost in my mind more often than I should admit, although by now I'm sure you're not all that surprised. On a long car ride by myself, I'll rely on the Navigation system to handle the highway, and my thoughts take whatever direction they choose. No maps or markers needed, I'm happy to wander around and take the back roads and the scenic routes. Have you ever stopped the car at a journeys end and thought, "wow, how did I get here?" like you can't even remember the drive? Please somebody say yes, happens all the time for me.

I don't have the best sense of direction, but I can read a map and follow road signs. I'm sure the corn maze family believed they were in danger, again not really sure how, but they had children with them and something must have switched them to panic mode; and that I understand. Moral of the story, wherever you find yourself lost; follow directions if they are given to you, don't be afraid to try a different path if you can't find your way, ask for help (although try and avoid 911 unless it's a real emergency), follow the Yellow Brick Road if you see one and stay away from corn mazes at night.