I Swear...

Yesterday’s post got me thinking about my own word choices. I have to come clean; I have a dirty mouth. I swear, maybe not like a drunken sailor, but a little like a tipsy relative at a family reunion.  I've always liked the "bad" words, kind of a nice parallel for my persona. I'm the girl next door who likes the “F” word and if you don't approve, I don't give S--t. I like the shock value, good girl gone bad.

Honestly, I don't throw them around that easily; I just use the forbidden ones for impact. I also know how to keep them under my tongue at work, or at social functions that don't involve candle lighting and a Hora. I also do not use all cuss words; I will not use the "C" word (that rhymes with hunt) or the "C" word (that rhymes with rock). George Carlin’s 7 dirty words (which I heard him say live in Vegas, 2001) offer only 3 to my dictionary (two I already used in the first paragraph and piss, as in pissed off, which I use frequently). The others (search Wikipedia) are a little too Hustler; I prefer the more user-friendly Playboy variety filthy words. Much of my use doesn't even involve an audience. On the way to work, left something at home...you will only hear me yell F--K if we are on the phone at the time. Cooking dinner, missing an ingredient... doubt the kids will even notice when S--T is announced in the kitchen. Not sure why this one was left off George's list, but you won’t hear me say "A---H---" unless you are privy to the situation or phone call where I interact with the aforementioned. I could substitute jerk, or darn, or shoot, but it would feel unnatural. Curse words add color and intensity and drama; I want my script to be HBO, not ABC Family (no offense to wholesome TV). I am not a person who would fare well with network censors.

Oddly enough, although my kids use the full gamut of expressions available to them, they are not particularly foul-mouthed. We are not a "Swear Jar" family, wish we were, my contributions alone might have put a dent in tuition. Maybe I should take credit for taking the power out of the potty mouth; used them so often they didn't seem special. They weren’t allowed to use them, and were reprimanded when they did, but no soapy mouths were involved. Most toddlers who sheepishly slip in the “F” or “S” words, hear them at the big kids table. I highly doubt they are intentionally trying to be the Andrew Dice Clay of the playground, they’re just repeating the lines that get a good laugh with the grown-ups. In our house, I was much more angry with “shut up” or “I hate you” than anything else, those words are hurtful and never welcome at my door. I heard my share of bad words growing up, my mom was a quiet curser and my dad not so reserved. I suppose both of which had a direct effect on my rich vocabulary of today. If I had to guess, I would say I have more of a gutter mouth than my brothers, except when they are on the basketball court or the golf course (and I’m not sure that curse words count in either location). My word choice only gets me in trouble in the electronic world, where email filters and social media seem to have a low threshold for my terminology. I have been known to get caught in the “spam” folder of corporate friends – hate to be flagged as an internet offender – makes me feel dirty.

I've never stopped to think about how often profanity escapes my lips (or my keyboard) and if I consciously did a count I would surely censor myself and render the results inaccurate. I went in search of some real research and found a rather interesting (and chock full of dirty words) 2009 study titled, The Utility and Ubiquity of Taboo Words (Timothy Jay, Massachusetts College of Liberal Arts). The data revealed that 80–90 of our spoken words each day (0.5% to 0.7% of all words) are swear words. That seems like an awful lot of bad language, even for me. No surprise that men curse on average more than women (unless said women are in a sorority – so the study says) and I’m sure you won’t be shocked to know that soldiers, police officers, high school and college students, drug users, athletes, laborers, juvenile delinquents, psychiatric patients, and prisoners are heavy users. Though over 70 different taboo words types were publicly recorded, roughly 80% involve 10 frequently used terms (fuck, shit, hell, damn, goddamn, Jesus Christ, ass, oh my god, bitch, and sucks), some of which I would hardly consider dirty. In fact, fuck and shit alone (my personal favorites) amount to one-third to one-half of all usage between 1986 and 2006. According to The New York Times (9/25/05-Natalie Angier) "as much as bad language can deliver a jolt, it can also help wash away stress and anger. In some settings, the free flow of foul language may signal not hostility or social pathology, but harmony and tranquility. Studies show that if you're with a group of close friends, the more relaxed you are, the more you swear. It's a way of saying: “I'm so comfortable here, I can let off steam. I can say whatever I like."

Well, I feel vindicated. I definitely use less obscenity than the average Jane (especially you sorority chicks) and I’m much more polite than the prisoners or the police officers. As a matter of fact, I’m feeling rather ladylike right now. If you don’t agree, you can go “F” yourself.