Wildcat Weekend

It's been a few days since we last connected, and here I am again, 10,000 feet in the sky with Delta. I'm hoping that absence makes the heart grow fonder or that you'll at least accept my apology for being unusually "quiet" the last few days. My original intention for this trip was to post as frequently as I could, checking in now and then to let you know how things were going. Obviously, that is not what happened. It bothered me at first that I was not making the time to chronicle "David Weekend," but very quickly I decided it was much more important that I simply focus on spending the "Weekend with David." We hung out at the pool, we partied at a "Bar-Mitzvah" for a "non-tribal brother" and the Arizona-Oregon tailgate (we attempted, but did not go to the game), and we talked a lot; for 3 days David had my undivided attention.

It is fairly rare for me to be one-on-one for more than a day with any of the boys. Usually we are together in multiples or it's both parents tag-teaming one child. To be fair, we were not side by side the whole time; David stayed at his house, me at the beautiful JW Marriott Starr Pass Resort with the other parents (never said I'd be slumming it), but the hours in between were mother and son, relaxed and easy. We had almost no plans for the weekend and even the ones we did make were scrapped for an entirely spur of the moment itinerary. It felt strange at the onset without Jeffrey, there were plenty of other "single" parents, but generally not for the same reason. Two years ago I came alone for "Mom's" fraternity weekend, but that weekend produced few meaningful memories. I remember leaving feeling very sad that I didn't really connect with him or the other "Moms," and found the whole experience to be rather forced and unnatural. I was hoping that this weekend would be entirely different, and I was not disappointed.

I have to be honest, I stopped writing after the last two paragraphs; couldn't get a handle on how I wanted to share the rest of the weekend with you. Maybe I haven't had enough time to settle in with my thoughts (after all, I took the weekend off to "not" think so much) or more likely, I've decided that the details don't really matter and I'm going to selfishly keep the stories between David and me (and a few eye witness AEPi parents and brothers). So don't get mad, but this one's gonna stay on the "down low", probably the smart thing to do. I'll tell you how I feel, and If you've been to college or have kids in college or watched a movie about college, you can surely imagine the rest.

The best part of this weekend (outside of the obvious, better than I could have hoped for, weather) were the people I got to know. Of course, I've had the chance to meet most of David's close friends and their parents over the years, but it's usually in the hustle of moving in or out or a quick hello during winter or summer break. I felt a little bit like an outsider in the beginning, many of the other families know each other from home (if home is New York and your commute involves the Long Island Expressway), quite a few have vacationed together, and most have celebrated parents weekend together since freshman year, and this is my first since then. I had some catching up to do; Jill had to be at 110% , this was not a time for insecure or reserved. Empowered by the sunshine and the blue skies above, I was exactly the Jill I needed to be, the real one. I was relaxed and warm, I talked too much and was occasionally judgmental, I was funny (hopefully), but not obnoxious, I was part of the group, but not clingy. I'm not sure how concerned David was about how it would all go, probably a reasonable amount considering I didn't have Jeffrey to lean on, but I can honestly say I did OK in the Mom department, maybe even better than OK. I have a few new Facebook friends (not kids, that he doesn't like), and lots of real ones that felt lifelong by the end of the weekend. I got to know his friends in a "not-Mom" kind of way; not crossing the line, but blurring it enough for both sides to relax. It felt good to like his friends and their parents as much as he does, and equally as positive to know that it was mutual in the other direction. Years after nursery school and play group, it's still nice to make new friends through your kids.

I learned this weekend that college hasn't changed all that much; the details perhaps, but it's essentially the same playbook. They drink as much as we did in college, a little cheaper though, we did it mostly in bars. Fortunately (or not, considering the reasons) this generation is all too familiar with the dangers of drinking and driving, and thankfully take it seriously enough not to take the risk. The boy/girl dynamic is no more promiscuous than previous generations, only the phrasing has changed."Hooking up" is just their version of "going out" or "going steady." MTV makes it seem more rampant and free, but if reality TV existed during Woodstock or the Disco years or BU in the 80's, the only difference would be the wardrobe. I almost get the feeling that these girls are a little smarter; looks like many of them have figured out that they hold the power. It's not about "if" a boy wants them ("if" does not exist in a world of testosterone), it's about who they want and how long they can make them wait. I love meeting the girls, love it even more when they love me back; and I was feeling some reciprocity this weekend. These coeds are undeniably beautiful; add to that the minimal clothing required on year-round 90 degree days, and it's a miracle that any of the male students can focus on anything else.

Same goes for the party scene; frat house, club, bar or disco; different venues, same behavior. Beer pong, quarters, or flip-cup - all excuses to drink crappy beer quickly (although Keg stands were a new one for me). Loud music, intoxicated dancers; only difference is the size of the stereo and the speakers. Shots are timeless, and drugs have always been present on college campuses (although oddly enough I feel like I saw far more dangerous options back at BU). As a parent who's collegiate past was not that long ago and not that different from what I saw this weekend (minus the weather and Greek Life), I'm pretty sure these "almost" graduates will sober up, enjoy successful fulfilled lives, and lie to their children about almost everything they did on campus. If you're smiling, you lied too.

Two more hours and I'm back home, but Tucson will be with me for a long time. David got a peek of who I was before I was a mom (for a change of pace, he might have even been a bit worried about me); not sure if either of us want to do it again, but for a few hours here and there, I got to use the elusive "rewind" button. I had the chance to live in his world for a bit (thankfully, I will never have to live in his house), and not embarrass him in the process (this post included). I made sure he had food in his fridge when I left and cleaned the kitchen from last night's tailgate (although the filth was many days old). I did not wash the floor, or vacuum or do his laundry - I love him, but I'd rather send extra money for a cleaning service. I don't want to leave without offering a peek at parents weekend, the attached photos should tell you all you need to know. There are a few videos, and after I review the evidence, they may be posted on Facebook. After that, what happens in Tucson, stays there.