Used to be easier to know when an exchange was over, now I am confused more often than not. In person it's fairly obvious, you finish chatting, you walk away. If you're arguing, you stomp away or slam the door, either way the end is clear. Same thing with a phone call, blah, blah, blah, "sounds good, see you later”, in my case it usually concludes with “I love you." Force of habit with the usual suspects (Jeffrey, kids, mom, brothers), can be embarrassing when it slips out professionally (which has actually happened to Jeffrey) or with a customer service rep at Verizon or Comcast. There is really is no gray area with a verbal communication, when it's over, it's over. Of course, there is the rare test of wills to see who is going to hang up first, but that has nothing to do with defining the close of business, that's just a mind game. Certainly the ancient technique of hand written correspondence, has a formal closing, there is no question whatsoever when you have reached the end. I will even extend that courtesy to a formal email, a virtual letter with a clearly defined point of termination.
It is the vast world of texting; Facebook messaging and one-line quickie emails that causes endless amounts of uncertainty and probably countless unnecessary “back-and-forths.” Each method has its own idiosyncrasies, so maybe it's best to tackle them individually. Texting is only a few years old for me; I finally had to learn how when it became quite clear that it was the primary form of communication with my children. At first it seemed quite nice, they answer quickly, they don't have to let their friends know they are talking to "mom" and it was actually more fulfilling than a mumbled response on a live call. My first sign of trouble was the abbreviations, but I caught on quickly, and frankly with the size of the keyboard and the quality of my “up close" vision, less letters worked to my benefit as well. Just as happy typing "ttyl" than struggling through multiple attempts at "talk to you later." It's after those words, when the confusion sets in. Are we finished or should they respond with “ok”? If so, is it necessary for me to volley again with "great, thanks?" It seems to go on endlessly until someone's phone loses power or is walking in to a movie theater. I have debated this issue with my sons on more than one occasion; they seem to think that any text exchange can end simply with "k", as in "ok”. To me, I feel a little slighted, like they couldn't even bother to type the "o." I do utilize texting with a few of my friends, not my favorite except for a quick question "what's the name of that restaurant" or a quick nasty comment "just saw you know who, looks awful." sometimes more time effective than a whole conversation. My only issue is that, as you could probably guess, my mind works faster than my text fingers and I much prefer talking to a long drawn out Text Fest.
The casual email is much like the text, but generally with full length words. I am still a bit unclear when to use the formal "Dear so and so" opener and "sincerely" closing, so I tend to go with an in between like "hi" and "thanks”. The same problem exists with identifying the end of the chain. A colleague or friend sends an email with a question or issue, I answer and close. They respond with some form of “thank you” or “sounds good” or “can't wait.” Is it now my turn to say "me too" or "no problem?" Different delivery method, same problem; when is the end the end? Usually someone just stops and after a few minutes I can safely assume we have finished corresponding, but it remains up in the air for a while.
The most perplexing is perhaps the Facebook chatter, it comes in too many forms and each requires a different level of attention. "Liking" is the easy out, if I hit one little button, my "friend" knows I think their child is beautiful or there comment is funny or I'm impressed by their accomplishment. I am generally being truthful, I am not an across the board "liker." If I don't , I won't , and if I assume the same for you, it feels good when you give me the "thumbs up." One step further and make a comment, and that takes it up another notch. Once you engage, you have to be prepared to continue engaging, can't post and ditch. I have to be honest; I have written entries and then x'd them out just as quickly when I realized I didn't want to feel obligated to continue. That's when I generally go for the "like." Then there is the Facebook instant message, some of you are probably terminally "offline", don't want to be bothered with pop up conversations, which I can understand. Sometimes though, it's just what I need to get me through some down time, like a desktop text, but much easier to see the keyboard and I can multi- task and still hold up my end of the conversation. Again, it is never quite clear who pops up the last time, usually someone just fades away into unavailability or does the quick "gtg" (got to go, translation mostly for my mom) and disappears. Every now and then I'm left hanging, uncomfortably waiting for a response that doesn't come, but I'm sure I've done it too (work messaging is a big no-no and if exposed, it requires a fast unexplained exit). The wall post seems to be best and most frequently used for a birthday greetings, only variable here is the expected response of the birthday girl or guy. I am a big believer in the "day after thank you" , I don't think most well-wishers expect a personal response and of course, then the other party would have to determine if they are supposed to respond again. I vote birthdays are a one-way day, too much pressure otherwise; let's just enjoy the attention without having to give back. My sole exception to this rule would be the out of the ordinary or personalized greeting. One friend takes the time to post old camp (Tevya, obviously) photos to honor your big day, and not the ugly, embarrassing ones either (and he could have in my case). Somehow he manages to find something that suits the celebrant perfectly, which always sets off a chain of camp birthday wishes. It's a nice touch JS, appreciated across the board. The Facebook inbox is much the same as a regular email, no specific issues here, so this will be the last word regarding Facebook.
The final virtual frontier would be "Twitter" and although I am a "Tweeter" (if merely having an account qualifies me), I have no idea how to make use of the 140 character limit. I have no clue what the response protocol would be, but in my limited exposure it seems people "follow" and are "followed" and "tweet" and “re-tweet", but none of the tweeting is in a conversational format. I get the feeling that then whole point of twitter is that there is no last word, it is a never-ending conversation with multiple people who move in and out of the dialogue at will and is overheard by anyone who cares to listen. Don't really get it, hate being followed in real life (makes me nervous) not sure I like the idea of it any better in cyberspace. Besides the fact that for a system that has no structure, there are too many secret tools of hatch tags (#) and ats (@), I can barely get a thought out in 140 characters and mixing in hieroglyphics is much more than I can handle. I've dipped my toe in the water,"Zipmom" if you care, but you will be bored; "following me" will lead you nowhere.
I guess I have exhausted my thought for the day, suppose this means I should lead into my final sentences. I'm still undecided on exactly how it should end? Talk to you later, OK, have a nice night, thanks for listening, no problem. In this case, there is no possibility of me not having the last word, so I want to choose it wisely. Unless you post a comment ... In which case I will be forced to respond.... It’s my post, and I will have the last word.
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