Nice?

I just came back from an almost 2-hour sweaty walk, but this post will not be about the hike up and down and up the streets of my neighborhood. I want to be included again in the future so "what happens on the walk, stays on the walk." This entry will be about what happened before I left the house.

Monday holidays feel odd, it's Sunday on Monday, without a Charles on CBS and a good newspaper. Usual spot, at the island having coffee with Jeffrey, and I ask him if he read yesterday's blog. I already established that I need approval, and "needy" begins at home. (On a side note, I have noticed a recurring theme in my writing; Jeffrey always takes the position one step below sainthood. Not saying he isn't all of the things I have mentioned, but it doesn't seem fair if I don't point out a few minor flaws.) Back to the story, "I didn't get a chance”, he says, “I'll read it now” (no, I wasn't mad about that part), and then it happened. "It’s nice," he comments. Nice, he knows I hate nice, it's a lazy compliment. If you must use it, it needs an amplifier; very nice or really nice, even so nice, has a whole different tone. I know it sounds like I'm being a little bratty, but you get the good and the bad with me. This scenario has played out many times before; you'd think he'd save himself the trouble of my reaction and pick an alternate word. Think about it, you get dressed for a party, you exit the closet, you say “how do I look”, and you hear, “Nice.” Your mother, your sister, your co-worker, can look nice; your wife should look pretty, beautiful, hot. Your word choice will have a direct effect on the rest of your night. How a woman feels when she leaves the house, (ok, I won't speak for all of us, so just me) sets the mood for everything that follows. Nice will get you nice, hot will get you hot. Be honest, with discretion - too much honesty is not good. Think about a job interview, turn a negative into a positive, "Honey, you look beautiful in both dresses, but the other one makes you look ..." (word of caution, be careful about any mention of which outfit makes her look "skinnier" , all we hear is that the other choice makes us look fat and it's downhill from there). I would also suggest you try and stay away from other iffy flattery; almost worse than nice is "fine”, except in the street version of "she so fine." If you can say "baby, you look so fine" and get away with it, go for it.

If someone you care about is looking for approval, I say give it all you got, buy a thesaurus. Why settle for vanilla praise, when there are so many flavors to choose from. Would you rush to make a reservation at a restaurant that was "fine" (and I don’t mean fine as in fine dining)?  You’d already be dialing if I said amazing or delicious or perfection. Does your child smile wider when the teacher writes "super job" or "terrific work" instead of good job or nice work? Think about the person that always looks at you like you have a poppy seed in your teeth or toilet paper on your shoe (and doesn't tell you), what do they say when they see you (after the up-down),"You look nice." Does that feel authentic? There are exceptions; an unprompted nice feels right, "what a nice person" or “that was nice of you."

It doesn’t take much to make someone feel good. Just thought about The Help, great movie (great book) saw it this weekend. Proper English aside, Abilene’s confidence building chant, “You is kind. You is smart. You is important,” is powerful stuff. When someone makes us feel beautiful or bright, we believe that we are; it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. Sometimes a word is more than a sum of its consonants and vowels, and the ones we choose (good and bad) have a lasting impact on the recipient. I know it seems silly that I care that Jeffrey (and maybe your signigificant other) seems to think that “nice” is “fine.” For me, and maybe a few other fragile egos out there, I’d like a better adjective.

By the way, my walk this morning, it was “Awesome.”