Fall-ing Apart

For some reason, every year as the cool fall weather rolls in, I forget that "back to school" does not equal "back to normal." In fact, this season is perhaps the most off-kilter. The first few days trick me into believing otherwise; up early, busy all day, sit down for dinner together, homework, and in bed by 11. It is a reliable, workable system that has been in place for over 20 years in our household, but September - November challenges the plan. The changes come in the first stacks of mail (both snail and electronic), at home and at work. The universe was on summer hiatus and now it has come back to life with a vengeance. My empty calendars of July and August are suddenly double and triple booked, and the task of coordinating even my current household of 4 seems like running a small third-world country.

First come the school announcements; parent’s night, SAT scheduling and after school activities. Next, my outlook agenda is flooded with meeting "invitations" (invite usually implies there is an option not to attend, which is really a misnomer at the office). When I have to build in travel time between appointments, the stress level is already too high. Add to that, every community organization, volunteer commitment or board meeting that took the summer off rushes to schedule the “let’s get back to business" gathering and there is barely an empty block on the monthly view. As the workplace is shifting into high gear my engine is already running on empty.

As a Jewish mom I have the added element of "the holidays." I love the Rosh Hashanah to Yom Kippur stretch, but my warm, fuzzy feeling can quickly turn to hysteria when I realize that briskets and bagel orders must be worked into the to-do list, which is already at a "won't get to most of this" level. I love the way the house smells with a Kugel in the oven, but not as much when it's midnight. Setting the table and polishing the silver are both labors of love, but a bit less so at the end of a 12-hour day. This year, when my first holiday e-mail came in August (my sister-in-law is very organized) the panic set in. My “people” have a bit of a reprieve this year; holidays are routinely identified as "early or late (in the season)" and this is a "late" year. I also have a personal bonus, both of my Rosh meals will be sister-in-law hosted (two different ones); I get an assignment and arrive on time. The close of the Yom Kippur fast, Break Fast, will still be at my house, as it has been for 13 years. This dairy extravaganza is by far, exceeding all others (secular and not), my favorite holiday meal. It was the first event held here when we moved in 1998 and the last one with my father in attendance. I will break my fast in this house for as long as my family will let me or a future daughter-in-law makes a good Kugel.

Socially, the easy breezy summer schedule of back porch margaritas is swiftly replaced with wedding and Bar Mitzvah invites (which I love, don't cross me off the list). This, in turn, means I have to build some shopping time into the agenda. I am willing to admit that my closet currently holds enough cocktail attire to attend an event every weekend, but I have to cross-check each garment with which group may have already seen it at a previous function. You may not remember (unless it was really good or really bad - hopefully not the latter), but I know and that's enough. Not to mention that this also involves working in appropriately timed hair and nail appointments. I am stressed thinking about it.

And then there's football season, not on TV and not because my children play. This one is all Jeffrey, and isn’t over until after Thanksgiving Day. For more than a decade Jeffrey coached Youth Football, for all 3 boys (and once when no Z’s were even eligible to be “youth”). He served on their board as treasurer and attended more meetings and practices than I can count. When he realized that the other (i.e. younger) dads were stepping up to replace him, he found another way to be on the field. He donned the black and white stripes and became a licensed referee at the high school level, and he loves every whistle-blowing second of it (and he looks kind of cute in the uniform). That being said, he is running back and forth down the gridiron from late August through the championship games in November, sometimes 3 games a week. Andrew used to be a willing dinner date for Friday night games but I’m beginning to notice that he’s probably looking for a companion more his own age (even though I pay).

So here I am, 2 weeks into fall and I can count on one hand the times I have cooked dinner and we all sat down to eat it together.  That may not seem unusual for some, but I am a product of a dinner-table childhood and have done my best to continue the tradition in my own house. I did eliminate the half-grapefruit (sometimes with a maraschino cherry) that my mother served before a meal (must have been a 70’s thing).  I do set the table; complete with placemat, napkin etc. and make a balanced meal including protein, veggie and a carb (doing my best to stay away from the complex ones). We do not include dessert unless there is company present. I make more than enough for any family to eat in one sitting (always paranoid that if we finish everything, I didn’t make enough), and more often than not the leftovers sit in the fridge until garbage day comes or mold grows (whichever comes first). I am not proud of the amount of takeout that has been served in my house of late, even if it comes from Whole Food$. Healthy or not; its not very "homey" to eat out of recycled cardboard containers.

I would love to say its going to get better soon, or that I’m going to prepare food in advance so they’ll eat home-cooked, but I would be lying to you. As you can tell by my tardy posting the last day or two, my candle is burning at both ends at the moment. Hate to say it, almost criminal on a beautiful day like today, but December sounds kind of nice. Right now, it feels like I’m Fall-ing apart.